


Attack of the Crack!

by DameRuth



Series: Bliss [36]
Category: Doctor Who (2005), Torchwood
Genre: Fic Challenge, Humor, Kidfic, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:20:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25193074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DameRuth/pseuds/DameRuth
Summary: "Give me premises for three fics you think I will never, ever, ever write. In return, I will attempt to write a drabble or a snippet of one of them."[Continuing the Teaspoon imports, originally posted 2008.05.30. Four entirely unconnected ficlets, written for the above-quoted challenge. Chapter titles are the prompts. One is specifically Bliss, so I'm tagging this with that series, but the others stand on their own. I have to admit, I'm kinda fond of Stay-At-Home-Mom Jack, but I'm not good at writing kidfic, so I never expanded on the idea.]
Relationships: Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones, Ninth Doctor/Jack Harkness/Rose Tyler, Tenth Doctor/Jack Harkness/Rose Tyler
Series: Bliss [36]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/14078
Kudos: 23





	1. "Jack decides to become a stay at home mom."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From taffimai; orig. post [here](http://dameruth.livejournal.com/70039.html) for reference (contains all prompts and story snippets for this and the other entries).

"What have I told you about the Doctor's toys?" Jack asked sternly.  
  
The shamefaced toddler looked at her toes and scratched her head, fluffing her hair into further disarray as she mumbled a response.  
  
"Louder," Jack insisted.  
  
"I can't play with them alone," the girl mumbled.  
  
"Exactly. When he gets home, I'm gonna have to tell him you were going through his things, and he probably won't let you help him in the workshop for a week."  
  
" _Jaaaaaaaack!_ That's not fair!"  
  
"Sorry kiddo. Them's the rules. Now go to your room till dinner and think things over."  
  
The girl responded with exaggerated hangdog put-upon-ness, turning slowly and dragging her feet along the carpet to her room. Jack heaved a sigh of relief . . . just as the hiss from the kitchen informed him that dinner was boiling over, and the baby began crying.  
  
Juggling the youngest family member and the hot pan kept Jack so distracted, he didn't hear the front door open.  
  
"Honey!" the Doctor chirruped. "We're home!" He wandered into the kitchen loosening his tie, followed by Rose, who dropped her Torchwood briefcase on the dining room table with a sigh of relief.  
  
"D'you know what your daughter did today?" Jack asked him without preamble as Rose deftly removed the baby-bundle from Jack's arms. A few coos from Rose, and the crying cut off with a hiccup.  
  
_Turning into a real mama's boy,_ was Jack's distracted and annoyed thought. As a result, he was even more surprised than he might have been when he turned and found a bouquet of flowers practically held under his nose.  
  
"Happy Anniversary!" his spouses chorused, followed by laughter at Jack's dazed expression.  
  
"We've got reservations for dinner out," Rose told him, as she bounced her son soothingly. "Only got 'em at the last minute -- things were booked pretty solid. Figured what's on the stove can keep."  
  
"We also arranged a babysitter, and after dinner there'll be time for . . . dancing," the Doctor added, with an exaggerated wink and a click of the tongue. "Better go get changed!" He moved to take over the stovetop operations, giving Jack a peck on the cheek in the process.  
  
Jack ran water from the kitchen sink into a vase so he had somewhere to put the flowers, then he grinned back at his smiling co-parents.  
  
"You guys are the greatest," he said with feeling, before heading to the bedroom to change.


	2. "Bliss-verse Nine cuts his hair."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For wendymr/wmr.

"Don't even think it!" the Doctor said in his broadest Northern accent, eyeing the shears in Jack's hand.  
  
Jack traded an exasperated glance with Rose, who moved in to attempt reason.  
  
"Doctor," she said, calmly, "we've tried everything. There's no way we're cleaning that tar out. We're gonna have to _cut_ it out."  
  
The Doctor gave her his best Glare of Doom, but one hand reached up to tug speculatively at the thick black clumps knotted in his long hair.  
  
"I swear," Jack said, "I won't make you look like a dork. And your hair grows so fast, you won't know the difference in a few weeks, anyway."  
  
The Doctor continued glaring, but with considerably reduced force.  
  
Rose sidled up to him and slid her arm through his. The Doctor turned to look at her, and she gave him her most winsome smile. "Really, Doctor, it's for the best."  
  
Predictably, faced with a pleading Rose, the Doctor caved. With a bad-tempered huff, he allowed Jack to begin trimming away the worst of the clumps.  
  
"Let this be a lesson to you the next time we run across a poor mastodon stuck in a tar pit," Jack mumbled as he worked. "You don't have to go jumping right in to help!"  



	3. "Rose has Jack and the Doctor's baby. Yes, the baby of all three of them."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For honorh.
> 
> [For the Doctor, pick your fave of Nine or Ten. I left it vague on purpose. :) ]

Rose maneuvered into position with many small shuffling steps, then let her knees give way, trusting that she was properly lined up with Jackie's sofa. She was assisted by Jack and the Doctor, who each had hold of one of her arms, to help ease her down. They managed to radiate a united front of smug solicitude.  
  
The solicitude was welcome. The smugness was, quite frankly, getting a little old.  
  
Jackie eyed her very pregnant daughter dubiously. "I'm still not sure how this works," she began. "Which one of these tossers is the dad?"  
  
"Oi!"  
  
"Hey!"  
  
"They both are, Mum," Rose sighed, trying to shift into a more comfortable position. "'S all about the Doctor's DNA."  
  
"Triple-stranded," he agreed, giving Jackie his widest, geekiest grin. "Hard to repopulate the species with just you double-stranded types left in the Universe . . ."  
  
". . . Unless you can work out a way to add in another DNA strand from a third parent," Jack finished, smirking a little. Oh, he'd been so full of himself when he'd figured that part out.  
  
Jackie blinked, then narrowed her eyes as she glanced from one of the threesome to another. "So how'd you get that extra DNA in there?" she asked, suspiciously.  
  
The silence in the room was deafening, but three suddenly-red faces told the entire story.  
  
Jackie couldn't quite suppress a smirk. "That's my girl," she said proudly.


	4. "Ianto joins Team TARDIS. (not quite ready to give Jack up and willing to prove it)"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For butterflyborn.
> 
> [I like writing happily-poly Ianto, but jealous Ianto was fun to write, too.]

"So, Ianto Jones," the Doctor said with a wide grin, "I'll bet you're all tuckered out. Why don't I show you your room, and you can get a little shut-eye . . ."  
  
"Oh, don't worry about me," Ianto said, with a thin smile. "I'm perfectly wide awake. All that coffee, you know." He slipped his arm around Jack's waist and met the Doctor's wide, surprised eyes with chilly resolve.  
  
The Doctor's mouth snapped shut and he blinked rapidly, then shot a sidelong glance at Rose. She cocked an eyebrow in return, obviously exchanging a silent message with the Time Lord. As one, they turned back to Jack and Ianto, bright smiles plastered across their faces.  
  
"Well, at least you can take your bags to your new room and get settled in," Rose told him. "The TARDIS will show you the way . . ."  
  
"Oh, no need to go to any trouble. I was planning on doubling up in Jack's room. To save space and all." Ianto's voice was warm and Welsh, but his eyes were cold and narrow. He tightened his grip on Jack's waist.  
  
Stymied, Rose and the Doctor shared another sidelong glance.  
  
Jack began to chuckle. "Come on, people," he said, good-naturedly, "there's enough of me to go around!"  
  
"Oh, I wouldn't bet on it," Ianto purred.  



End file.
